Depression and anxiety have been a part of my life and has affected me for as long as I can remember. From the earliest of times when other kids would be concerned over what flavor ice lolly they had, my mind would be consumed by the most trivial of things. And while they really did start off as trivial, like being washed away in a tsunami back in Year 1 even though we lived nowhere near a shore. Life slowly spiraled into a state of constant panic. Life became impossibly hard in high school, and at my lowest point, I attempted suicide multiple times.
Much to my frustration, nothing I tried worked or even remotely alleviated the pain, until the day I made the conscious decision to turn back to God. To be honest, I'm not sure why I didn't think about it sooner because I really should have- I grew up as a Christian with parents who told me to pray at every chance, and it also makes all the sense in the world. I am not the Almighty. I do not have power over anything, not even myself, so what made me think I could rely on myself to solve the long list of things that keeps me up at night longer than the queue at church when someone brings ice cream, I don't know. What I do know is that although life has been far from easy since I have learned to rejoice and see the hope in times of sorrow because suffering is only temporary and knowing that the Lord is in control has made all the difference. And so, even though this may be the hardest thing I will ever have to do, I will embrace my weaknesses because as the Lord's power is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor 12:9) and Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8).